Maybe Not Always
by Ellcrys
Summary: As Viktor commented in the first game, he's always fine. ...The night after Riou arrives in South Window, however, is a little rough.


Maybe Not Always 

* * *

**Disclaimer:** Yes, I am again screwing with Konami's copyrighted characters without their permission.

**Spoilers:** For Suikoden 2. Early Suikoden 2. As in, before you get your castle. But still, spoilers. And gratuitous references to things that weren't actually mentioned in the games, because I'm a research whore.

**Notes:** Uh, only optional name I need to fill in here is the hero, I guess - he's Riou, as usual.  
What I know about Zamji is limited to the short entry about him at suikosource.com and a scan from the novels, so I sort of had to fill in details there myself. Heck, I might even write a story about that someday, if I can't find a translation of the canon version. But for now, any deviation from canon is unfortunately ignorance. At least it'd be minor.  
My excuse for this fic - Viktor's so non-angsty, when he does angst, you can't really help but listen to him. And yeah, it was kind of funny he didn't show much reaction to this news, wasn't it? Kitarin's responsible for filling me in on what happened on the previous similarly depressing night with Flik.

* * *

**Maybe Not Always**

Viktor plastered a grin across his face at the sound of his friend's voice, and after a moment turned around. "Yeah?" 

Flik looked somewhat disconcerted upon seeing his face, and glanced around the streets of South Window self-consciously. "Uh... I..." 

Viktor chuckled, putting his hands on his hips. "Let me guess... you're sorry, and am I okay?" 

Flik didn't really need to answer - the way he narrowed his eyes made it pretty clear Viktor had guessed correctly. "I guess you are then, huh?" 

"Sure, I always am," Viktor told him with a nod. "Really, what made you think I'd be anything but fine?" 

In addition to looking a little bit sheepish, Flik was starting to look the slightest bit confused. "...You did hear what Riou just said, right? About... Anabelle." 

Viktor didn't let the grin falter for a second as he nodded again. "Yeah, I heard him. It wasn't really news, though - you know that." 

"Well, we hadn't had it confirmed by witnesses," Flik pointed out, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. "It was just rumors... rumors you refused to believe." 

"Yep - seemed kind of strange that she could be overwhelmed by a scrawny little kid like that Jowy." 

Flik paused, looking uncertain. "You... do believe it now though, don't you?" 

Viktor shrugged and turned away, stretching; the grin was getting painful. "Sure. Riou wouldn't lie, and the evidence all adds up." 

Flik's voice, when it came, sounded almost annoyed. "...Don't you even care?" 

His back still turned, Viktor shrugged again, but this time it was half-hearted. "Of course I do." 

There was a long pause, but Viktor just waited for the inevitable response from Flik. "...You don't act like it at all." 

"What do you expect me to do?" Viktor asked, turning to face him in exasperation. "Yell at the kid for telling me? Run off in a huff, break down crying in someone's arms?" 

Flik's eyes narrowed; he knew exactly what Viktor was referring to now, and only the fact he considered Viktor to be in an emotionally vulnerable state at the moment kept him from punching him in the stomach for the reminder. He said nothing, but stood in stony silence, faint red spots appearing on his cheeks. 

Ordinarily that would have amused Viktor, but he wasn't in the mood to tease, and he probably couldn't have teased Flik about that night in good conscience anyhow. "I'm not you, Flik, and Ana's not Odessa. She's just... she _was_ just an old friend," Viktor corrected himself, annoyed with the slip. "There was never more between us than that. So yeah, I care, but... my life didn't end with hers." 

"After that lecture you gave me," Flik muttered, still half-angry, "I think you'd be more upset about this than I had a right to be about Odessa. After all, Odessa placed herself in danger, as you kept reminding me, and this... this was just murder." 

"Assassination," Viktor corrected him. "It's a little different than murder, and sort of goes with the territory when you're the mayor of Muse. Her father had a lot of enemies, you know... and it took awhile before people accepted that she wasn't him all over again." He shrugged slightly. "I should know, I was there. Some people never did accept it, and that's half of why we're fighting this war. You do know what happened to Agares' wife, right?" 

Flik waved a hand impatiently. "Yes, you explained all that, but that's not the point. The point is, you couldn't possibly have expected this to happen." He paused, and bit his lip slightly. "Even I didn't think there was any possibility, or I'd have done som-" 

"Yeah, war surprises you sometimes." Viktor had listened to Flik blame both Viktor and himself for Odessa's death for hours on end already, and he didn't feel like going through that again. "So we were surprised. We can't dwell on that now - we've gotta come up with a nice big surprise to greet Highland when they cross the lake." 

Flik said nothing, but Viktor knew what he was thinking. He'd been thinking the same thing. "Yeah, we don't have much to surprise them with right now, but more of our men should be straggling in over the next couple days, and I'm going to talk to Granmeyer in a little while. We'll come up with something." 

With a vaguely irritable sigh, Flik brushed the hair out of his eyes and turned towards the door of the inn. "Fine, let's start brainstorming then. But..." He paused as Viktor began to follow. "Viktor... I'd understand if you didn't... er, if you'd rather just talk, or anything..." 

Viktor shook his head, and opened the door for Flik. "Thanks, really, but I'm okay. We've got work to do." 

And so they did. 

* * *

Walking into the inn in South Window always brought back the memories. He'd been bought drink after drink by sympathetic people - though he didn't remember that so much as he remembered later mopping the floors, cleaning the windows, carrying out the trash, and a hangover that seemed to last an eternity. There had been a different table over there against the wall, where he'd sat with her, telling her every last detail of what he'd seen in North Window. He smiled vaguely, remembering how she'd turned to the startled innkeeper almost in disgust halfway through. _"For god's sake, Zamji - let him have a couple of drinks for this conversation. He deserves it."_

The memory made him chuckle under his breath. It hadn't even been the fact she was letting him drink that had sold him on her, or because she was a cute girl - it was too soon after Daisy for that to even really register. It was the way she didn't give a damn what that nosy old man thought. That night he hadn't even gotten dead drunk like Zamji feared would happen if he got started again, because he was answering Ana's questions. And he'd stayed more sober than he wanted to be for quite some time, between her conversation and the chores he did for Zamji... not that he remembered ever agreeing to work for the old guy, and he had a feeling he probably never had. 

But that had been years ago. The inn was under new management, so no more Zamji sticking his nose into Viktor's business. No more Anabelle to ask questions, either, he thought to himself as he and Flik were seated at the newer table. And without either of them there, he could get as drunk as he wanted tonight. 

And it was a good thing, he decided later. After what Lord Granmeyer asked of him at their meeting, Viktor thought that more than before, he could stand to drink himself senseless. 

* * *

As the sun went down, and Flik was returning from having gathered supplies, he wasn't sure exactly where Viktor was. As he usually wasn't - the man could be anywhere. Probably wandering around the edge of town and keeping an eye out for anyone they knew, Flik decided as he climbed the stairs to their room, since he wasn't drinking downstairs. 

Therefore it came as something of a surprise when he opened the door and found Viktor inside, his back to the door as he sat at the room's small table, with a few bottles in front of him and another in his hand. He didn't look up. "...Hey, Flik." 

Flik paused, then closed and locked the door. "How could you be sure it was me?" 

"I know yer footsteps," came the somewhat slurred response. 

Flik frowned. Sure, Viktor drank a lot, and probably too much, but generally he didn't get this drunk unless a contest of some sort was involved. And he never drank alone at all if he could help it. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, yeah," Viktor replied, waving a hand vaguely in invitation. "C'mon, have a seat, have a drink..." 

Flik tossed his cloak on his bed and accepted the offer, sitting down across from Viktor. The lopsided grin of a drunk was on his face, but his eyes were kept downcast, staring at nothing in particular as he idly tapped the bottle in his hand against the identical empty one before him. Suddenly he seemed to remember that he'd offered Flik a drink, and leaned across the table to hand him the bottle, knocking over the empty one in the process. 

Vaguely worried, Flik tried to ignore that, and took a sip. The taste was enough to make him grimace slightly, especially knowing that Viktor had already emptied one bottle of the stuff and was well on his way to emptying another. He had a feeling he knew what this was about, but Viktor probably wouldn't appreciate him bringing it up again. "This is pretty strong... Do you think it's wise to be drinking this much tonight? You've got somewhere to be tomorrow, you know." 

Viktor glared down at the table and made a swipe for the bottle in Flik's hand, missing once before he managed to grab it. "I've gone off to real battle on worse before. This is just a little scouting mission, 'r something." 

"I guess..." Flik didn't bother trying to take the bottle back; he'd known Viktor long enough to know it didn't work. 

Viktor took a long drink, and stared off into nothing again for a long time before he broke the silence. "So... yer not gonna ask me what's goin' on, huh?" 

Flik shrugged, somewhat surprised Viktor would bring it up on his own. "...I don't need to." 

"Yeah, tha's what I meant..." Viktor muttered, smirking. "Not like you to not point out when you know something." 

It was better not to bother, Flik decided, and after a moment, he just stood again to go to his bed and sit there instead. He was taking off his boots when Viktor broke the silence. "We couldn've had anything, y'know..." 

"Hmm?" Flik set his boots aside and looked up at Viktor curiously. 

"Me and her. Ana." 

He shrugged, sullenly casual, and Flik leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. Did Viktor actually want to have a serious conversation for a change? That was unusual. "...Why not?" he asked. 

"'Cause..." Viktor broke into a lopsided grin again, and he laughed under his breath. "'Cause... I got my eye on you, 'cause you're sooo pretty..." 

Flik was tempted to smack him as usual, regardless of the circumstances; he was entirely sick of those jokes, which had been lobbed at him countless times since they'd met. Instead, he looked away, feeling the angry flush in his cheeks, and occupied himself with removing the coat he wore. 

Viktor kept on laughing to himself for awhile, but finally quieted. "...It's funny, y'know." 

"Not really," Flik muttered. 

"I mean..." Viktor hesitated, and Flik looked back up to see him shake his head, bemused. "There's this... point you reach. Where no one expects anythin' from you in hard times but a laugh an' a joke. An' that's okay with you, so you go along with it... but then..." 

Flik just watched him in silence, puzzled. He knew there was more than that to Viktor, ever since that night after Odessa's death, but he'd never expected Viktor to be so blunt about it. 

"But then..." Viktor continued, "stuff happens. And... y'realize that maybe this time... maybe you want to say something more... but when you try..." He paused again and chuckled, but this time it sounded bitter. "All that comes out is another laugh, another joke... 'cause that's all you've done for so long..." 

Flik had no idea what to say, but he tried to start anyway. "...Viktor..." 

Viktor chuckled again and shook his head, holding up his hand to halt him. "It's okay. Y'know what else is pretty funny?" 

Flik bit his lip. "What...?" 

"That we saved his life. Jowy's, I mean." He took another long drink, and when he set the bottle down, he was no longer smiling in the least. "...Should'a left him to be hanged." 

Flik narrowed his eyes instinctively, then sighed. "You don't mean that, Viktor." 

"Who says I don't?" 

"That would have meant leaving Riou and Nanami behind, too. I know you - you couldn't leave a couple poor kids to be beaten and executed under false charges." 

Viktor snorted. "Okay... Should've just kept them in their cell then. Dunno why I let 'em just walk around... 'cept Riou kinda reminds me of the McDohl kid, somehow." 

"Hmm, yeah..." Flik had been thinking the same thing. "At any rate, we couldn't have known what Jowy would do," he reasoned. "He seemed earnest enough-" 

"'Cause that's how spies work," Viktor grumbled, heaving himself out of the chair with great effort, and staggering slightly before catching himself on the edge of the table. "If they can't look you in the eye when they lie to you... then they're not doin' their job." 

Flik rose as well, ready to catch him if he should lose his balance. "Viktor... you couldn't have known. None of us could have." 

"Yeah..." Viktor nodded vaguely as he made his way to the window, opening it to look out over the dark streets outside the inn. "Yeah, not my fault. All his fault. And I can't do anything about it." 

Staying close by just in case, Flik followed him to the window, nodding. "I'm sorry..." 

"What really gets me," Viktor continued, staring into the darkness, "is that he's still out there. An' I might see him again... the little fucker." 

With a sigh, Flik placed a hand carefully on Viktor's shoulder. "Well... maybe we won't," he suggested. "Maybe that's the last any of us will see of him." 

He removed his hand, startled, when Viktor turned suddenly, his expression stormy. "You don't get it, do you? I'd _love_ to see the skinny bastard again. I'd be pissed if I didn't get the chance to bash his girly little head in myself!" he growled, his voice rising in anger. "I can't wait!" 

Flik nearly drew back before he could help himself. There was a look in Viktor's eyes that he'd rarely seen outside of battle - and moreover, a look on the level of the one he'd had in his eyes when they'd come up against Neclord. "Viktor... you're drunk. In the morning, you'll for-" 

"Damn right I'm drunk," Viktor interrupted, turning his glare on Flik. "So what? Drunk and pissed off! And no, I'm not gonna forget in the morning - he killed her, Flik! He killed Ana!" he exclaimed, his slurred voice rising to a shout that nearly made Flik's ears ring. "And if I ever meet him again, I'm gonna rip his heart out, chop his head off, kick the shit outta what's left! It's gonna be great! I can't wait! I can't wait!" he bellowed, suddenly leaning out the window. His balance was off enough that he nearly fell, and Flik grabbed him around the waist quickly, pulling him back as well as he could manage as Viktor continued to yell at the top of his lungs. "Yeah, kid! I'm gonna find you someday! An' whatever they could threaten you with is gonna look like a damn _picnic_ next to what I'll do to ya! I'll _kill_ you, fucker! You fucker! You _motherfucker!_" 

If he was shouting actual words after that point, Flik couldn't make them out. All he could do was hold Viktor tightly around the waist, lending what support he could to keep him from tumbling out the window as he roared incoherent threats into the night. 

Finally, his breath and his rage spent, Viktor seemed to collapse in Flik's arms, and Flik staggered as he tried to keep his own balance without dropping Viktor to the floor. He wasn't a weakling by any means, but Viktor was a very large, very solid man. 

And of course, he thought in exasperation as he tried to drag Viktor to his bed, it didn't help that the knocking on the door to their room was distracting him. "Just a minute," he called, turning his head so as not to shout in Viktor's ear - not that Viktor would have noticed, perhaps, as he was semi-conscious and mumbling to himself. 

The intermittant knocking persisted until Flik had managed to dump Viktor awkwardly on the bed, and he paused for a moment to calm his nerves before he felt confident enough to answer the door, before which stood the innkeeper. "I can just imagine what you're going to say," Flik began before the man could say anything, "and all I can say is, I'm sorry. My friend is very drunk... He just found out this afternoon that a good friend of his was killed when Highland took Muse." 

The innkeeper didn't look unsympathetic, but business was business. "I'm sorry to hear that. However, some of the other patrons complained, and if he creates another disturbance..." 

Flik nodded. "I understand completely. I think he's worn himself out now, but I'll do what I can to make sure he stays quiet." 

That seemed to be good enough for the innkeeper, and he thanked Flik as he turned to leave. Taking a glance further into the hall before he closed the door, he found that Riou and Nanami had been standing nearby as the innkeeper had spoken to him. Nanami looked tense, almost close to tears, and Riou simply looked awkward, while Pilika hovered behind them, thumb in her mouth and looking very worried. Flik sighed. "...It's all right, he's just drunk. He'll be okay..." 

"That's good," Riou said hesitantly. "We... just wanted to make sure." 

"Jowy's not a bad person," Nanami blurted out suddenly, almost stammering. "This, this... this has to be some kind of mistake, he wouldn't have killed her if he didn't have a good reason..." 

Flik just shook his head. "Viktor keeps telling me that these kinds of things happen in war. It's a little hard not to take it personally when they happen to you, but he's right. Maybe someday we'll find out what really happened, and we'll all be able to come to terms. But for now... don't bother trying to convince him of that. Better to just let him be." 

Nanami sighed anxiously, but Riou nodded. "I will." 

Flik forced himself to smile at the two of them. "Great. Thanks for your concern, but I should go make sure he's all right, see if there's anything I can do for him. Sleep well, you two - you're headed to North Window in the morning, after all." He'd never actually seen North Window himself, but he'd heard Viktor's explanation, and he didn't expect that it would be a cheerful sort of place. "You sleep well too, Pilika," he added, and the little girl nodded, a finger still worriedly in her mouth. 

Once they'd gone, and the door was closed again, Flik found that Viktor had shifted a little on the bed, no longer lying in such an awkward position as Flik had dropped him in. He'd stopped his muttering, too, and Flik knelt down by the bed, trying to move him a little more firmly onto the mattress. "...Viktor?" he asked softly. A deep sigh was his only response, and he started to unlace Viktor's boots to take them off. "Are you all right?" 

There was a long pause, and finally a hoarse chuckle and whisper. "...Throat hurts." 

Relieved, Flik laughed softly, pulling off the boots and placing them next to the bed. "I bet." 

"Sorry..." The bed creaked as Viktor tried to sit up, without much success. "You don' need t' do that..." 

"It's not any big deal," Flik told him quietly. It took almost no effort to push Viktor down on his back again. "You reminded me earlier of a night kind of like tonight... and that night, you did a lot more for me than just putting me in bed and taking off my boots." 

There was another long pause, and Flik could almost hear Viktor's thoughts trying to plod their way through his liquor-soaked brain. "Don' think I did take off your boots..." 

Flik shook his head. "I don't remember, and I don't think I would have cared anyway." 

Viktor let out a long sigh. "Y' don't have t' make it up... don't owe me anything..." 

"I know," Flik assured him, pulling the blankets out from underneath him. "I'm not doing this because I owe you... after all the stupid stunts you pulled since we left Toran, you owe me, if anything." 

Viktor laughed out loud, then coughed painfully and let his voice fall to a hoarse whisper again. "Then... what're you doin'...?" 

Flik paused, and lowered his head, trying to think of how to explain it. "You know, before that night, I thought you were a cocky, insensitive asshole. I'd begun thinking you started hanging around me just to have someone to make fun of." 

"Mm... well, y'always were pretty good 't judging character..." 

Flik snorted. "_Anyway_... I didn't expect you to just sit there and let me yell at you. Or to actually offer words of wisdom... at least, ones that were actually wisdom. I figured you'd just make excuses." 

"Wisdom's th' best excuse... no one argues with it." 

Flik laughed softly again; that was exactly the kind of irreverent yet strangely profound comment he'd come to expect from Viktor. "And... I didn't expect you to stick around when I started crying. Much less hug me... much less lay down next to me and hold me while I cried myself to sleep." 

Viktor let out a long, tired breath. "Yeah... doesn't soun' like the kinda thing I'd do... So don' go tellin' people, 'kay?" 

On a sudden impulse, Flik moved closer, taking Viktor's hand and holding it. "Of course not... My point is, there's a lot more to you than most people see. If you showed that secret, sensitive side of yourself to me, how could I help but think about it on a night like this, and try to take care of it?" 

"Hmph..." Viktor's reply certainly didn't sound sensitive. "S'no big deal... Not like I haven't lost everyone else... ev'ry damn person..." 

Flik shook his head, growing more serious. "...I'm still here for you, Viktor." 

He wasn't exactly surprised that Viktor didn't show much reaction - a vague mumble was it. "Is that okay?" he asked. "If you really want me to just leave you alone..." 

Viktor shook his head tiredly. "Nah... s'okay." 

He sounded like he was barely staying conscious, and Flik supposed that was just as well. "...So... you need anything? Glass of water...?" 

To his surprise, Viktor's hand gripped his with an impressive firmness. "No... jus' stay here." 

He was _so_ drunk, Flik thought. But that was all right - that was how he dealt with things, and it was just a different way of dealing with things than Flik used. With that in mind, he squeezed Viktor's hand back and sat down next to the bed, leaning his head against it. He'd slept in less comfortable places, and he had nothing to do the next day but stay behind and gather up any newly arrived mercenaries anyway. "I will, Vik." 

Viktor sighed, but this time his sigh had the slightest hint of contentment. "...Thanks." 

Flik patted the back of his hand absently. "No problem..." 

After only a little while, Viktor's ragged breathing settled into a soft snore, then was broken by a hoarse cough again before settling into the even rhythm of sleep. Flik's eyes remained open, and his hand in Viktor's as he gazed at the ceiling, listening to the footsteps of others in the hallway and the closing of doors, and thinking. 

* * *

It was grey and dull the next day, shortly before noon, as the small scouting party prepared to leave for North Window. Nanami was trying to fit more medicine into Riou's pack, "just in case", while her brother tried to ignore her yanking as he held a somewhat awkward conversation with Rina, Eilie, and Bolgan in front of the gates. Already fully prepared, Freed stood by as Viktor looked over everyone else's equipment, nodding in approval. It was easy enough to ignore the slightly raw throat and the ache in his head, as long as he kept busy. 

The blue-cloaked figure approaching, though, was impossible to miss, and Viktor squinted at the flash of sudden color even in the half-light of the cloudy day. "Hey..." he said half-heartedly, raising a hand in greeting. "We're about to take off. Something you need?" 

Flik shook his head. "I just thought I'd ask... Would you like me to come with you?" 

"Nah, it'll be fine," Viktor told him with a shrug. "Someone's got to stay here and keep an eye on things anyway. You're the best man for the job." 

"Yeah, it takes a lot of skill to hang around a town and direct people to the inn for a few days," Flik said dryly. His expression grew more serious, however, and he gave Viktor an understanding look. "Seriously, I know this can't be easy for you, and you didn't have a great night last night, either. So if you want me to go along..." 

Viktor's smile was a tired one, but honest. "Really, don't worry about me. I'll be fine." He reached out to punch Flik playfully in the shoulder, but instead simply rested his hand there. "But... thanks. You're a pal." 

Flik smiled back, gripping Viktor's hand for a moment. "That's probably the most sentimental thing you could ever say to me, isn't it?" 

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't even admit that _that_ was sentimental," Viktor laughed. Quieting again, he nodded. "Anyway... looks like we're ready to set out, so I'll see you when we get back. Take care of things for me..." Despite his eyes being rather bloodshot, a gleam appeared in them. "...And have fun with Rina. I let her know the women are always after you, you know... so only a persistant one can get under your skin." 

"Great... thanks a lot," Flik grumbled, shooting a suspicious glance in the girl's direction, and not looking pleased when she winked. "I should say I hope you get eaten by something large and scaly with bad breath for that." 

"Yeah, I probably should," Viktor agreed. "But...?" 

"But take care of yourself out there," Flik told him. "Come back safe." 

Viktor nodded, and picked up his own equipment, waving for the others to do likewise. "Of course I will," he told Flik over his shoulder as the rest of the party filed out through the north gates. "You know me - I'm always just fine." 

Or close enough, he thought as he turned to wave at the blue-cloaked figure who stood by the gate, watching. 


End file.
